I've been tagged....5 Things You Don't Know About Me

Okay, so Aprill tagged me with this meme...I don't even know if that is proper use of the vocabulary...I don't know 5 people with blogs, so I'm not tagging anyone else. If you happen by consider yourself tagged.

I’m supposed to tell you five things that you don’t know (or most of you don’t know) about me and then tag 5 other people (ha...like that will happen).

Hmmm...five things that you don't know about me...the problem is if you don't know about them it is probably because I don't want you to know...so why am I telling you now?

Anyway-

1. I talk to myself-Not like out loud so others can hear, but under my breath...and my lips usually move. I have complete conversations with God knows who. This isn't just a once in awhile thing. It happens all the time...I am like one step away from Raines...I am pretty sure I am a little crazy.

2. I am not Christian...furthermore I am not religious-Some of you out there who know me are saying, "I thought this was suppose to be things I didn't know about Amber." I wish you would have filled me in. I had this epiphany a couple years ago. I always considered myself someone who didn't believe in organized religion. I use to say that I believe in God and Christ and all that, I just didn't believe that there was a need for an organizational body, such as a church. I thought that church tainted and humanized the omnipotent power of...yada yada yada...The short version is this: I do believe there is a higher power to this world if you must call it God that is fine with me. I am not opposed to that. I do not pray to it, fear it, or think that it has a direct oppressive hand on my everyday life. I don't believe that we can fully understand this higher power. The stories that we read in religious text are based on historical fact, yes, but they are littered with myth. Just like other gods of ancient history. I could go on and on about this but I will not bore you anymore with my personal beliefs.

3. I believe in past lives-And future lives as well. I think of the soul as energy. Energy cannot be destroyed, it is always changed...transferred. Can we know our past lives? I don't know...probably.

4. I want to stab myself-If you didn't think I was crazy before you will worry now. I often have this urge to stab myself in the outer thigh with a semi-sharp object, like a fork or pen (sometimes my xacto knife). I have never actually done it, and I swear I never will. I fear pain too much to actually do it. I don't know why the thought occurs to me. I think it has something to do with the feeling of or the chance of embarrassment. It is like as soon as I think it, it is gone.

5. I have a deep seeded fear of failure and not living up to certain expectations-I am aware that the world will not end if I fail at something, but that doesn't change the fact that I very much fear the consequences of failure, rejection, not living up to expectations. People don't realize how much it hurts me when they say I should have gone to medical school or law school, or I never should have dropped out of Architecture school (that about killed me).