Oh! You meant 'spectacularly ignorant' in a nice way.

It's that time again, when I feel reflective on the experiences of the last 365 days or so. I went back a looked at some of entries I wrote/posted over 2014 and what I can say with absolute certainty is: this was a transformative year for me.

I started the year miserable. 2013 didn't end well for me, but I had held out hope that the turning of the year would change things. Unfortunately it didn't and the beginning of 2014 was full of disappointment, broken promises and hardship.

I did go to Portland in February. It was a much needed and well deserved vacation. Carla and I had a great adventure. I loved it, there were some hard times, but I think that is part of what made it great. As soon as I got back though things fell right back into misery.

I told myself for months, "this will be the week I change it", "next week will be the week I give notice", etc. I kept holding on to this broken thing thinking if I could just hold out a little longer it would get better; if I just wait it out I will get the tools to fix it. I did this until...well...until I hit my wall. That is when I did something rather rash and unlike me.

I quit. It was the first week in May. I walked into work and started my day like any other. There was a meeting in the morning and emails just after that. That's when it hit me square in the face; this was my moment. I wasn't going to move my line again. I got an email and it pushed me past my limit. It wasn't a big thing, it wasn't something worth quitting over in and of it self, and it affected no one else. There had been plenty of moments in the previous weeks that were more worthy of this action. Yet, I turned to my manager told him I was taking lunch and I left the office to breathe, and when I came back I said my goodbyes to the people I wanted to, sent an email to the owner, picked up the last few things off my desk and I left...and that is when my year began.

It was hard to linger in the fear of not having a job because I felt like the weight of a thousands worlds had been swept off my back. I was happy. I was smiling. I was laughing again. Why had I not done this earlier? Why did I torture myself for so long?

It was amazing the people who stood up to help me. It was astonishing the confidence I gained because of that. So I decided to take a chance, instead of finding a full-time job with someone else I decided to start working for myself. From there things have only gotten better.

I love working from home. I am glad to be available during the day to help out with things. I have been able to travel - I made it to Idaho and Florida since I left my job. I am still learning things and meeting new people.

I don't regret my time at OPSGEAR. I learned so much and had the opportunity to meet some absolutely amazing people. But if I hadn't left I wouldn't be on this amazing adventure now.

2014, in the end, had more good days than bad; more good adventures than bad; more good stories than bad. That is how I know 2015 can only be good, because my adventure is still going on.

There's always money in the Banana Stand

So I was thinking of starting a Kickstarter campaign. Actually I am leaning more to Indiegogo, but that is just splitting hairs I think. Anyway I have this project that has been burning inside of me since my senior year of college. I don't want to go into too much detail (for obvious reasons), but it is design related and mostly typographic. After doing a little research and listening to some professionals I find myself more than a little discouraged.

Do you know what every pro told me was the key to their success on Kickstarter, having a large "fan" base before launching a Kickstarter. I find this discouraging because if you already have the followers why do you need Kickstarter, just pre-sale your product or service to your already established following.

And if that wasn't a big enough blow, then I came to this realization: Kickstarter is just another product driven shopping site. The word crowdfunding is deceptive. It leads you to believe that this is a place to find funding for your project, when really it is a place for people to buy things, knowing that they are not available for immediate consumption because money is needed to produce the product. This actually came out of one of the professionals mouths, "Your project should be 90% done before you even think of starting a Kickstarter campaign."

Wait..what?
I thought I was looking for funding to make my project happen. Not just money to get it fabricated.

Maybe I am so discouraged because what I want to produce isn't a single item to be purchased or perhaps not something to be purchased at all (which maybe doesn't make sense without more information about my project).

Anyway...I just wanted to rant... 

She's broken because she believed

I find myself reacting to every situation like he is the cause of it, the head of it, and the push behind it. I hope that one day soon I am not longer broken by it.

Always remember, it’s simply not an adventure worth telling if there aren’t any dragons.

So a couple of weeks ago I did a very bold thing (for me) and quite inadvertently set out on an adventure.

In a very short period of time this adventure has taught me a thing or two. Mostly, that you never really know the situation you are in until you step back, step out or step away.

Looking back I see now that I should have fought more battles. I should have tried harder to be heard whether or not I was to be understood. And I shouldn't have been afraid to burn a bridge that was in such disrepair.

Compromise turned into complacency and submissiveness somewhere along the way and it took stepping off the path to see it.

Ultimately, the lesson I am still trying to learn is...don't be afraid to fail.

There's nothing cheap about loyalty

Why are we loyal?
Why are we loyal when we know it isn't deserved?
What is the price of your loyalty?
Does it cost more for those who do not deserve, but can still afford it?
Is it still loyalty if there are pre-determined lines and limits to the affinity?

I watch people slave away for the idea regardless of who is actually holding the whip. Add that to the new concept of "Keeping your job is the new raise." And I really wonder what they are slaving away for...the hope of building something better of the fear of not being able to maintain what they have already built.

I am no different. Despite my best efforts I still find myself bending over backwards for people who probably don't deserve it. I am starting to wonder if I am short selling my loyalty. But at the same time I feel so guilty when I don't give it. So what have the big anonymous "They" done to make me feel so beholden to them?

Needless to say, I am struggling.

If it's so simple, why haven't you done it already?

I try to avoid the word simple when I am talking about someone else's work, by which I mean, something someone else is doing or more importantly something I am asking someone else to do. Every time someone says to me:

• I need you do this. It should be simple.
• I've got this simple/easy thing for you to do.
• Don't worry, it's simple.
• It's shouldn't take that long, it's simple

I know what they are going to ask me is not simple. When someone comes up to me with one of these lines I usually I think to myself, "If it is so God damn simple why are you asking me to do it? Why can you do it yourself?" Then I think, "You wouldn't say it's simple if you had ever done it before."

The truth of the matter is, it is not the giver, but the receiver who dictates what is simple. Yes, we know that solving a complex math equation is harder than picking all the red M&Ms out the candy bowl, but what if the person you are asking is color blind? Lastly, even if it is simple, it doesn't mean that it won't take time. Simple does not equal quick. It's pretty simple to go through the phonebook and count all Maryann's, but that doesn't mean it won't take a lot of time. I mean, have you picked up a phone book lately? There are a lot pages there.

So, the next time you think about asking someone to do something "simple" for you, I would recommend that you don't insult them by telling them how menial the task is that you can't bothered to do.

It's a matter of scheduling

It's getting to be that time again. Fall television is ready to start, and I just learned something I found interesting. I was perusing my Facebook News Feed on Friday and I noticed my local NBC affiliate was advertising a new local show slotted for 9pm on Monday nights. In my head I was thinking, "That's odd. Monday @ 9pm is a high roller prime time slot. Why would NBC leave that open for local affiliates to fill, and why would my local affiliate fill it with all things, a pseudo talk show about the people and places of our state. I mean did Jay's prime time show not teach them anything?"

So I did a little digging and found this gem. KSL, the local NBC affiliate here in SLC, is refusing to air NBC's new Monday night show The Playboy Club. And for those of you who have spent a good portion of your life in Utah, you will know that this isn't the first time KSL has done this. Back when KSL was a CBS affiliate they chose to stop airing Picket Fences in prime time, but found a "late night" slot for the show to air in.

But before I write more about content, lets talk go back to the time slot for a minute. This new local show is competing against Castle (my Monday night choice) and Hawaii Five-0 (a good runner up). So your telling me that of all the content NBC Universal has the rights to, KSL couldn't use any of it. They couldn't even get their hands on re-runs of an older popular show, or something that was canceled but still had un-aired episodes? It was almost like they said, "We know were screwed in this time slot, so lets just give up."

Now back to content. There are a certain set of standards that KSL has, and this particular show flies directly in the face of those standards. But...I had to have a but right...nobody likes being told they can't do something even if it is just watching a show. My thought is this, KSL made a commitment to NBC when they became an affiliate. They should suck it up and air the show. One of two things will happen. Either the dismal ratings will help get the show get canceled, and show NBC this kind of program isn't what their viewership wants, or it will go off the hook and show KSL they are mis-reading their market.

Personally, NBC doesn't really do it for me. I can count one, maybe two shows that I watch on occasion, but they don't really have anything I am in love with or dedicated to. I can say this though, I want to see The Playboy Club now, just to know if it is really as bad as KSL is making it out to be.

Lots and lots of thoughts and ideas...but i have no way to string them together...or even lay them out so they make sense...the brain is just too torched...all organization and retention is gone...

My desires are not that extreme. i want a place with free wi-fi, hard liquor for sale, and where, if i am alone, i will not be pestered.