I really needed you today

The fact of the matter is, I had an extraordinarily bad day today. There are a 1000 things I wish I could blame, but really it is just a continuation of string of rather shitty days, that compiled to make up my life as of late. And it isn't that you could have made my day, or night, any better, because I doubt you could have. It isn't that you aren't competent because you are. It's that I don't want you to make it better. I just want you to be there.

So this remains: I needed you today, and you weren't there. I needed to get up this morning and see that I had missed a call, or had a voice mail or text message. I needed there to be a post-it on my windshield at midnight when I got off work late, that said call me or come by when you're done. I needed some place to go other than home; someplace I could get a drink and cry a little; someplace where I could complain just because it would make me feel better. I needed you to stop by and see me, just to stick your head in for quick hello, just to check on me and see how I'm doing. I needed to find a quick email in my box or a message on myspace that let me know you were thinking of me. I needed something today to let me know I am not alone; just a sliver of extra effort to help get me through, to make it seem worthwhile. I needed just a little something to make me feel fraction more important.

So this remains: you weren't there, and I really needed you today. But I am still here, and I seem to be doing okay; learning what I can survive without, scraping through like everyone else.