The Significance of 29

2 years now...I can't count the times I have thought about him, missed him, worried about him, been mad as hell at him, wondered if there was something I could have done. Would anything have been different if I had called him when I wanted to instead of being afraid of what he was going to think? What if I would have taken him his present early? What if he had gotten the balloons I had tried to send him? 2 years and these things still run through my head.

And I feel bad...things are slipping...I still see him in all sorts of people and places, but I don't wonder every time I see a truck like his anymore. I don't wonder like I use to if I should feel guilty...about certain things. And I still haven't been to "see" him. I wonder if he hears me when I talk to him. Does he know I am writing this now? Does he see me? Why would he see me, why would he bother?

This year I turned the same age he will always be...29...what does that mean?