I just can't get over it.

Okay so last night I was really, really, upset. I had this vibe all day yesterday that I was going to see Company Man, or talk to him, or something, and when I left work last night nothing had come of it. I was really disappointed (I had it in my head that his birthday was this week, but it so absolutely isn't). I am just having a hard time coping with the fact that nothing is going to culminate between the two of us. Its funny, and I know you are going to say, "freak" when you read this and maybe it is weird, but with every guy I have ever had an interest in, (I am refraining from using the word crush) I have had an idea of where things would go, or how things would go. I mean if I meditated about it I could "see" (it was really more of a feeling) that nothing was going to come of it with this guy; it didn't matter how much I liked him he just wasn't into me, or I might spend a little time with that guy but it isn't big, or this might carry a little bit. And with Company Man I "saw" things being serious (not marriage serious, but take you home to the family serious).

I just keep thinking that if I had one more chance to see him or talk to him, things would be different, something would happen. Now I know that is a complete and utter joke of thing to say, because everyone says it, not to mention that fact that I had plenty of time to do something about it and didn't. But it doesn't stop me from believing that it is true. Do you believe that if you believe in something long enough and hard enough it will happen? How about wishes, if you are really dilligent and sincere so wishes come true?

I have this thing for signs (sun signs/horoscope stuff, not visions from the almighty) and I just want to share with you a little tidbit I read about my sign and his. "In general in this relationship, my sign, the cardinal sign, initiates it and his sign, the fixed sign, keeps is going. So I did I let down on my end of the deal? Should I have pushed harder? Part of me just wants to keep pushing at it until he is mean to me, then I will know for sure that he isn’t interested. But then the other part of me doesn’t was him to be mad at me or think I am a freak.

Is anyone out there big on anniversaries? As of today, he has had my number for a whole month and not called me once. :( That makes me so sad that I think I am going to cry. I guess I should take the hint (even though it has only been two weeks since I have actually seen him), but I am having a hard time with it.