Saturday, January 03, 2015

Oh! You meant 'spectacularly ignorant' in a nice way.

It's that time again, when I feel reflective on the experiences of the last 365 days or so. I went back a looked at some of entries I wrote/posted over 2014 and what I can say with absolute certainty is: this was a transformative year for me.

I started the year miserable. 2013 didn't end well for me, but I had held out hope that the turning of the year would change things. Unfortunately it didn't and the beginning of 2014 was full of disappointment, broken promises and hardship.

I did go to Portland in February. It was a much needed and well deserved vacation. Carla and I had a great adventure. I loved it, there were some hard times, but I think that is part of what made it great. As soon as I got back though things fell right back into misery.

I told myself for months, "this will be the week I change it", "next week will be the week I give notice", etc. I kept holding on to this broken thing thinking if I could just hold out a little longer it would get better; if I just wait it out I will get the tools to fix it. I did this until...well...until I hit my wall. That is when I did something rather rash and unlike me.

I quit. It was the first week in May. I walked into work and started my day like any other. There was a meeting in the morning and emails just after that. That's when it hit me square in the face; this was my moment. I wasn't going to move my line again. I got an email and it pushed me past my limit. It wasn't a big thing, it wasn't something worth quitting over in and of it self, and it affected no one else. There had been plenty of moments in the previous weeks that were more worthy of this action. Yet, I turned to my manager told him I was taking lunch and I left the office to breathe, and when I came back I said my goodbyes to the people I wanted to, sent an email to the owner, picked up the last few things off my desk and I left...and that is when my year began.

It was hard to linger in the fear of not having a job because I felt like the weight of a thousands worlds had been swept off my back. I was happy. I was smiling. I was laughing again. Why had I not done this earlier? Why did I torture myself for so long?

It was amazing the people who stood up to help me. It was astonishing the confidence I gained because of that. So I decided to take a chance, instead of finding a full-time job with someone else I decided to start working for myself. From there things have only gotten better.

I love working from home. I am glad to be available during the day to help out with things. I have been able to travel - I made it to Idaho and Florida since I left my job. I am still learning things and meeting new people.

I don't regret my time at OPSGEAR. I learned so much and had the opportunity to meet some absolutely amazing people. But if I hadn't left I wouldn't be on this amazing adventure now.

2014, in the end, had more good days than bad; more good adventures than bad; more good stories than bad. That is how I know 2015 can only be good, because my adventure is still going on.

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