So I admit it, I talk to myself, often actually, I just feel like I don't have anyone to share my thoughts with sometimes. But to validate them, or to work a problem out I need to say them. So I talk to myself.
So today before work I was having a conversation with myself. I was thinking that maybe Company Man would be put back on the schedule. I was hoping, because I know we are hurting for managerial aid. But as soon as I thought it I, metaphorically, hit myself square in the forehead. As soon as you think something like that you get your hopes up, and thereby dashing any hope of it actually happening. And low & behold when I got to work today his name was not on the schedule. I was sadly disappointed. And then there was glimmer of hope. He called, he needed to return his keys, and he said he would be down today to drop them off. All I could do was hope that he would show up while I was there. And he did.
When he walked in, he gave me a look and then just kept walking. He didn't say anything. He was only there 5 minutes. Then he left. Just before walking out the door he said to me, "Try to stay out of trouble." And replied with a slight laugh and a, "Okay, see you around." And then he was gone. It just felt so sad, so forced, so final. It goes back to that whole "Last Look" movie theory.
"Try to stay out of trouble?" I am not sure what that means, I mean, I know what it means, but I wonder what he meant by that. It was just kind of unusual for him. That just seems like such a terminating phrase you know. You don't say that to your best bud or close friend, that's something you say to an acquaintance, a parting word of advice to an informal contact. Just his face, his body language, his tone, maybe it was my imagination, but they all said goodbye to me. Not see you later, but a very formal, final goodbye. I almost cried as he walked to his car.
This Sunday he will have had my personal number for three weeks, and he hasn't used it.
I think I let myself get interested him, because I thought maybe he was interested in me. How could I have so grandly mis-interpreted that? Why couldn't I see that "he just really isn't that into me?"
Why doesn't he like?
I think that hurts the most.
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