Pros and Cons

So, I have been a little (well actually very, but I am trying to down play it) busy as of lately. Technically, I am still busy, but I just had to take a few minutes to give a heads up on whats been going on.

First and foremost I have to tell you about the reinforcement I received this week. This week at school my professors went over where we kind of stood in the class (grades and what not). I have one professor,we will call him Clark, that gave me some really good encouragement. We got to talking about my work and he told me that I was a really gifted designer. He said that I have an innate talent. His challenge was getting me to push my work further (and participate in critique). That made me feel really good. It is nice to know that someone can actually see potential in me. My other professor, JD, he emailed me with my grades. He also encouraged me to participate in crit more, but he also told me that my work was always thoughtful and very good. So that was some pretty good validation for me.

I have a new crush. This one is at school. I haven't come up with a name yet for him yet, so I am not going to dwell on him much at this point, but know he is a nice guy I have kind of known for awhile as an acquaintance. I think (or hope) that he is "the next" that is going to get me over "the last". :)

But before I can do that I have to confess something. Even though I made the tremendous diatribe over Company Man and being over him and moving on I am confessing now that I am not, in fact, over him or moving on for that matter. It is a sad state of affairs I have concocted. I finally broke down, and did something very girly and very self centered. I asked my boss about Company Man. I asked if he had ever said anything about me. She gave me a very flat very plain no. But this did lead to a discussion about the situation. We talked about a particular innocuous note that was meant for him, but was read by others and not him. We talked about how well Company Man and I got along. This went on for about 5 minutes. So of course the No deflated me, it hurt to think that he has never mentioned me, but it brought up some interesting points that boosted my spirits too.
So I just want to ask him, straight up, if he is going to call me. Maybe I will try to play it off as giving him a hard time, but in the end, I just want to straight up ask him whats up.
Of course, some people would say that if I wasn't dense I would already realize he wasn't interested. I mean how long has the man had my number, and he hasn't called. He said he would "be around" and he hasn't stopped by once...oh wait maybe once, but he didn't say more than five words to me, and it was like three days after he officially left.
But for some reason I just can't accept it. I need something hard, concrete, but then I have to have the balls to ask for what I want if I really want it and accept it when I get it. I am just not sure I have the courage for that. But I guess we will see. I keep telling myself next time we talk at work (on the phone) I will just ask him. But who knows what I will do at this point. I am just so mad at myself over the whole thing.