Most everyone has these moments when you feel like you have been a situation before. Like the moment you are living has already occurred. In my case it feels more like I knew these moments we going to happen...
The night before last I was working the closing shift, and I had this surreal, deja vu like moment. This family came in, they were looking for shoes, I was helping them out, it was no big deal. They get ready to leave, so we are all up at the register; I am ringing them out. Mom, Dad with baby on his shoulders, two other boys running around. They are talking to me about the Orem and Provo locations. I turn to look at the store list, and all the sudden it hit me. Up until that moment nothing about them or the situation felt familiar, then all of the sudden it was like, "I've had this conversation with you before, I have done these things before." It took all I had in me to not tell them about these feelings of familiarity. The more I stood there in the moment though, the more something felt off. It was like something was missing, maybe I wasn't saying things I thought I had before (if that makes sense). It was one of those tingles inside that told me something wasn't quite right about the moment.
I watched the family walk out the door and I turned around to walk out from behind the counter, when it hit me square in the chest. It was like a loosely wound spool of rope unwinding, when it finally catches taut; It just yanked at my center. He was suppose to be there. And I had this huge ache in my chest, like if that moment had only been a hair more significant or if someone slightly more important than me had this feeling or noticed this flaw in the fabric of life and time the world would have self destructed; simply imploded on itself. He was meant to be there and he wasn't. There was no way for him to there, it was physically impossible. Yet, Emerson was suppose be there, with me, that night and he wasn't.
All of the sudden I was mad again, I hurt again.
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